By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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