i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
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