Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize