Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
he was CRYING into my vagina
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
