I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
