i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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