Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
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