New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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