OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
