I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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