Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Randomize
