I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
