Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
