Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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