whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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