Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Randomize
