I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
