you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
