HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
