i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
