I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
