New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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