It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
