people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
