Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
