Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
