Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
