And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
