You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
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