Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
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