i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize