I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
