You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
