I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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