I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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