sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
