my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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