It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Randomize
