Do you still have your period?
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
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