He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
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