Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
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