If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize