Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
