Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
