69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
