I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
honey bunches of taint.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
