Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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