Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
