I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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