So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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