I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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